The Global Financial Crisis in One Infinite Run-On Sentence

This one long run-on sentence describes the global financial crisis:

In the beginning man created the housing bubble when dishonest banks loaned money to unqualified home owners whose jointly illegal activities were ignored by a sleeping financial press and an incompetent regulatory army who both failed to awaken the FBI and SEC and other financial-crime prosecutors from pursuing criminal charges including those against Wall Street bankers who knowingly sold bad assets with grossly erroneous ratings to highly leveraged investors (including themselves) who had all gorged to the hilt on the FED’s cheap money leveraging their losses and destroying their entire equity accounts which bankrupted our major financial institutions  who were saved by bailouts but not before triggering a global financial crisis during which all lenders on all continents lost all faith in each other because they all knew about their own garbage mortgage holdings bundled into black-box securities whose staggering losses panicked banks again due to the known unknown of massive pools of unregulated derivatives which pay off in the event of a financial default and whose opacity re-double-spooked investors thereby multiplying a crowded stampede into high-quality high-liquidity assets and setting the pattern thereby for what we can expect to be an endless loop of panic lasting a decade or two as terror is continually re-discovered by global markets now concentrated on European banks who made overleveraged housing investments many in housing bubbles much more crazy-Ponzi than that of America’s 120-year-power-ball bubble and further exacerbated by bankers depending upon the ultra safety of sovereign-debt requiring that old magical no-money-down equity investment for their loans to European governments of which many or all are now strangulating themselves after having accumulated 60-plus years of socialist labor laws and entitlement obligations but now those asphyxiating restrictions and promises are revealed as unworkable and un-payable when new borrowing must end and is unaffordable but still the Europeans while they are pathetic and bankrupt they have not achieved the scale of otherworldliness which is The Great & Terrible Japanese Zombie…

You can finish reading the rest of this masterpiece over here. Why is it a masterpiece? Because once you reach the end, you are requested to continue at the beginning… So it’s an infinite run-on sentence describing the financial crisis!


(hat tip: @counterparties)

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