How to Capture Magic Kingdom’s Cinderella Castle

Someone asked this on Quora: what are the optimal siege tactics for taking Magic Kingdom’s Cinderella Castle? Jonathan Kirk Davis, Sergeant of Marines, who fought in the Iraq War, provides an awesome response.

The best part of the post is the description of the primary assault on Cinderella’s Stronghold:

Now comes the glory. An assault force comprised of an infantry company staged in Tango base will attack the back of the castle. The most obvious route is to take on the castle through the Mainstreet. This is what they want you to think and will result in the sure death of you and your men. The front of the castle is lined with a moat and the counterattack will be an easy matter if they blow the bridge and your men stand helpless staring at the statue of Walt as they are taken out one by one. Go through Fantasyland and attack the castle in the rear. There is no moat and the defenses are much weaker. This will also be the time when you would need to prepare with additional reinforcements at the train station for the final assault.

The secondary objective sounds impressive as well:

While in Fantasyland we will have the opportunity to take down the menace of all parents everywhere. The “It’s a Small World” ride will be within our reach. Our secondary objective is to eliminate the ride with extreme prejudice. This isn’t a capture mission like the castle, but one of complete annihilation. Expect heavy casualties as their adorable repetitiveness burns into your skulls like white phosphorous in the jungle. Our sacrifices will be great, but our suffering is in the name of protecting others. 

I love stuff like this.

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(hat tip: @kottke)

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