Jesse Eisenberg Should Stick to Acting

Your mileage may vary, but Jesse Eisenberg’s short story titled “A SHORT STORY WRITTEN WITH THOUGHT-TO-TEXT TECHNOLOGY” published in The New Yorker is a clunker. I think he should stick to acting, thank you very much.

Jesus, I’ve written another loser.

That barista keeps looking at me. She’ll probably ask me to leave if I don’t buy something. She’s kind of attractive. Not her hair—her hair seems stringy—but her face is nice. I should really buy something.

Their divorce was remarkably amicable. In fact, John would often tell his parents, “Rebecca and I are better friends now than when we were married!” In fact, John looked forward to the days when he and Rebecca, with their new partners, would reminisce about their marriage, seeing it in a positive light, like two mature adults.

Maybe I’ll just get a pumpkin-spice loaf. That way I can still sit here without going through a whole production of buying a coffee and giving my name and feeling like an asshole while it gets made.

I’ll say something cool, like “The coffee’s not the only thing hot in here.” And she’ll probably be like, “I get off at seven.” And I’ll probably say something like “I don’t have a real job, so any time’s good for me.” Jesus, who am I kidding? I’m a loser. She would never like me. Even a stringy-haired barista with a slutty back tattoo would never like me.

Can you convince me the merit of the piece in the comments? Because I didn’t find it interesting or funny!

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